Lunatic wins election

© Reuters

An absolute fucking lunatic has won an election today in Israel, keeping him in the role as Prime Minister of the middle-eastern country.

Benjamin Netanyahu, who ordered the bombings of thousands of innocent men, women and children since taking office, secured victory in the Israeli election after a last-minute push to shore up his party's vote enabled him to close the gap with the opposition Zionist Union and put him back on track to be re-elected.

While vowing to continue the country's eradication of Palestine, the complete mad man had bombarded the Israeli media for the past few weeks in an intense campaign, which fear-mongered citizens into believing that Israel's security would be put at risk if voters put social and economic issues ahead of their country's survival.

"You will all die if you don't re-elect me," he told viewers on nine different TV stations. "Concentration camps. Holocaust. Arabs. Nuclear bombs. Iran. Jews dead. Boom! Capiche?" Netanyahu added while shrugging his shoulders in a gesture of 'need I say more'.

The lunatic's party narrowly won the election in what was almost a dead heat, despite openly accusing 'Arab voters' of trying to sabotage his campaign by voting democratically against him 'on purpose'.

"I would advise the Arab community in Israel to stop voting against me," Netanyahu said on his Facebook page. "As I am Jewish, this can be classed as antisemitic behaviour and you could go to prison for such an attack on our democracy and people".

Shortly after being reelected, the Israeli prime minister requested another four billion dollars worth of military hardware from the United States for 'defence purposes', and ordered his army to reclaim some more land from the Palestinian people to celebrate.